On the lighter side of religion, here are some actual sentences
found in church bulletins and newsletters:
1) Don't let worry kill you. Let the Church help.
2) Thursday night - potluck supper. Prayer and medication to
3) Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and
4) For those of you who have children and don't know it, we
have a nursery downstairs.
5) The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the
birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.
6) This afternoon there will be a meeting in the south and north
ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
7) Tuesday at 4pm there will be an ice cream social. All ladies
giving milk will please come early.
8) Wednesday, the Ladies Liturgy Society will meet. Mrs. Jones
will sing "Put Me In My Little Bed" accompanied by the
9) Thursday at 5pm there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers
Club. All wishing to become Little Mother, please see the minister
in his private study.
10) This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come
forward and lay an egg on the altar.
11) The service will close with "Little Drops Of Water".
One of the ladies will start (quietly) and the rest of the congregation
will join in.
12) Next Sunday, a special collection will be taken to defray
the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something
on the new carpet will come forward and get a piece of paper.
13) The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every
kind and they may be seen in the church basement Friday.
14) A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church
hall. Music will follow.
15) At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be
"What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
16) Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. at the First Presbyterian
Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
17) The 1991 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and
18) Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church
19) Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition
of several new members and to the deterioration of some older
20) Mrs. Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for
21) The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who
enjoys sinning to join the choir.
22) Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan in
preparing for the girth of their first child.
23) Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items
to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
24) The associate minister unveiled the church's new tithing
campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."