{"id":19108,"date":"2024-02-01T09:00:00","date_gmt":"2024-02-01T14:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.yorku.ca\/news\/?p=19108"},"modified":"2024-02-01T16:21:40","modified_gmt":"2024-02-01T21:21:40","slug":"my-love-language-is-peer-reviewed-research","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.yorku.ca\/news\/2024\/02\/01\/my-love-language-is-peer-reviewed-research\/","title":{"rendered":"My love language is peer-reviewed research"},"content":{"rendered":"<div id=\"bsf_rt_marker\"><\/div>\n<p><em>York U professor Amy Muse debunks sex and relationship pop psychology, offers alternatives backed in science&nbsp;<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Feb. 1, 2024, TORONTO \u2013<\/strong>&nbsp;From the Five Love Languages to the concept of \u201cHappy Wife, Happy Life,\u201d popular culture is riddled with ideas of how sex and relationships are supposed to work, but does the science back these ideas up? According to Faculty of Health Assistant Professor and&nbsp;Research Chair in Relationships and Sexuality<strong>&nbsp;<\/strong>Amy Muise, the answer is frequently no.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Ahead of Valentine\u2019s Day, Muise, also&nbsp;director of the Sexual Health and Relationship (<a href=\"https:\/\/www.amymuise.com\/\">SHaRe<\/a>) Lab, can offer alternative theories that are supported by her research and other literature in the field.&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Muise\u2019s latest research debunks the Five Love Languages, offers \u2018balanced diet\u2019 metaphor as alternative&nbsp;<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>The&nbsp;<\/em><em>Five Love Languages<\/em>&nbsp;is the invention of Gary Chapman, a one-time Baptist minister who provided marital counselling to couples in his church and wrote a book based on his experiences. The theory goes that each of us has a primary love language \u2013 words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service and physical touch \u2013 and problems arise in relationships when partners are speaking different languages.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Online dating sites encourage you to share your love language, 50 million people have taken the online test, and videos with the hashtag have half a billion views on TikTok \u2013 clearly, the concept has deeply ingrained itself in the popular imagination, but&nbsp;<a href=\"https:\/\/journals.sagepub.com\/doi\/10.1177\/09637214231217663\">according to Muise\u2019s latest review paper<\/a>&nbsp;in collaboration with researchers from the University of Toronto, the theory doesn\u2019t hold up.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-embed is-type-video is-provider-youtube wp-block-embed-youtube wp-embed-aspect-16-9 wp-has-aspect-ratio\"><div class=\"wp-block-embed__wrapper\">\n<iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"My love language is peer-reviewed research\" width=\"1778\" height=\"1000\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/4_QRUHk3VFM?feature=oembed\" frameborder=\"0\" allow=\"accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe>\n<\/div><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cHis work is based on a very religious traditional sample of monogamous, heterosexual cisgendered couples and it is all anecdotal.&nbsp;We were pretty skeptical of the claims made so we decided to review the existing evidence, and his idea that we all have one primary love language really isn't supported,\u201d says Muise. \u201cHis measure pits the love languages against each other, but in research studies when they've asked people to rate each of these expressions of love independently, people tend to rate them all highly.\u201d&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Still, Muise sees why the concept has taken off. \u201cIt's something people can really grab onto in straightforward way and communicate something about themselves to their partner. But we would suggest that love is not a language that you need to learn how to speak but it's more akin to a nutritionally balanced diet, where partners need multiple expressions of love simultaneously, and that these needs can change over time as life and relationships evolve.\u201d&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Other research Muise has done similarly questions pop psychology concepts, exposing flaws along the way:&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Happy Wife, Happy Life?&nbsp;<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Muise and a group of international collaborators&nbsp;<a href=\"https:\/\/yfile.news.yorku.ca\/2022\/08\/31\/whose-satisfaction-is-more-important-in-mixed-gender-romantic-relationship\/\">looked into the idea that it is women\u2019s perceptions that are the barometer for the relationships<\/a>, carrying more weight than men\u2019s. In two studies looking at mixed gender couples, one examining daily diaries and the other looking at annual reports over five years, they found instead that both partners conceptions of the relationship were equally important.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cBased on our findings, we think it\u2019s less \u2018Happy Wife, Happy Life,\u2019 and more \u2018Happy Spouse, Happy House.\u201d&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Is unplanned sex hotter?&nbsp;<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Not necessarily, says Muise.&nbsp;<a href=\"https:\/\/www.yorku.ca\/news\/2023\/02\/13\/is-spontaneous-sex-better-new-research-casts-doubt-on-commonly-held-belief\/\">In research done last year with a York graduate student<\/a>, Muise found that while many people endorsed the ideal of spontaneous sex, the researchers did not find evidence that people\u2019s actual experience of sex was more enjoyable when not planned. If you are planning on sex this Valentine\u2019s Day, Muise advises it might work out better to plan to have it before a big meal.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Is too much closeness bad for sexual relationships?&nbsp;<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201c<a href=\"https:\/\/journals.sagepub.com\/doi\/10.1177\/09637214231211542\">In the research<\/a>, we find couples who grow closer have more desire for each other, but we argue that what\u2019s also needed for desire is otherness or distinctiveness,\u201d she says.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cIt\u2019s important to bring new things into the relationship, find ways to see a partner in a new light. Novel experiences have been shown to increase desire in long-term relationships, so when making plans for Valentine\u2019s day, doing something together that\u2019s broadening or expanding can increase desire.\u201d&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n<style>.kt-accordion-id_5a073f-86 .kt-accordion-inner-wrap{column-gap:var(--global-kb-gap-md, 2rem);row-gap:8px;}.kt-accordion-id_5a073f-86 .kt-accordion-panel-inner{padding-top:var(--global-kb-spacing-sm, 1.5rem);padding-right:var(--global-kb-spacing-sm, 1.5rem);padding-bottom:var(--global-kb-spacing-sm, 1.5rem);padding-left:var(--global-kb-spacing-sm, 1.5rem);}.kt-accordion-id_5a073f-86 > .kt-accordion-inner-wrap > .wp-block-kadence-pane > .kt-accordion-header-wrap > .kt-blocks-accordion-header{padding-top:var(--global-kb-spacing-xxs, 0.5rem);padding-right:var(--global-kb-spacing-xs, 1rem);padding-bottom:var(--global-kb-spacing-xxs, 0.5rem);padding-left:var(--global-kb-spacing-xs, 1rem);}@media all and (max-width: 767px){.kt-accordion-id_5a073f-86 .kt-accordion-inner-wrap{display:block;}.kt-accordion-id_5a073f-86 .kt-accordion-inner-wrap .kt-accordion-pane:not(:first-child){margin-top:8px;}}<\/style>\n<div class=\"wp-block-kadence-accordion alignnone\"><div class=\"kt-accordion-wrap kt-accordion-wrap kt-accordion-id_5a073f-86 kt-accordion-has-4-panes kt-active-pane-0 kt-accordion-block kt-pane-header-alignment-left kt-accodion-icon-style-arrow kt-accodion-icon-side-right\" style=\"max-width:none\"><div class=\"kt-accordion-inner-wrap\" data-allow-multiple-open=\"true\" data-start-open=\"none\">\n<div class=\"wp-block-kadence-pane kt-accordion-pane kt-accordion-pane-3 kt-pane_e4fff2-d4\"><div class=\"kt-accordion-header-wrap\"><button class=\"kt-blocks-accordion-header kt-acccordion-button-label-show\"><span class=\"kt-blocks-accordion-title-wrap\"><span class=\"kt-blocks-accordion-title\">Additional Information for Media<\/span><\/span><span class=\"kt-blocks-accordion-icon-trigger\"><\/span><\/button><\/div><div class=\"kt-accordion-panel kt-accordion-panel-hidden\"><div class=\"kt-accordion-panel-inner\">\n<p><strong><em>About York University<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.yorku.ca\/\"><em>York University<\/em><\/a><em> is a modern, multi-campus, urban university located in Toronto, Ontario. Backed by a diverse group of students, faculty, staff, alumni and partners, we bring a uniquely global perspective to help solve societal challenges, drive positive change, and prepare our students for success. York's fully bilingual Glendon Campus is home to Southern Ontario's Centre of Excellence for French Language and Bilingual Postsecondary Education. York\u2019s campuses in Costa Rica and India offer students exceptional transnational learning opportunities and innovative programs. Together, we can make things right for our communities, our planet, and our future.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Media Contacts: <\/strong>Emina Gamulin, York University Media Relations and External Communications, 437-217-6362, <a href=\"mailto:egamulin@yorku.ca\">egamulin@yorku.ca<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><\/p>\n<\/div><\/div><\/div>\n<\/div><\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>From the Five Love Languages to the concept of \u201cHappy Wife, Happy Life,\u201d popular culture is riddled with ideas of how sex and relationships are supposed to work, but does the science back these ideas up? According to Faculty of Health Assistant Professor and\u00a0Research Chair in Relationships and Sexuality Amy Muise, the answer is frequently no. Ahead of Valentine\u2019s Day, Muise, also\u00a0director of the Sexual Health and Relationship (SHaRe) Lab, can offer alternative theories that are supported by her research and other literature in the field.\u00a0<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1550,"featured_media":19111,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_kad_blocks_custom_css":"","_kad_blocks_head_custom_js":"","_kad_blocks_body_custom_js":"","_kad_blocks_footer_custom_js":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[4,339,401],"tags":[1552,73,1554,1553,1555,186,291,1556,697],"qualifier":[],"news-author":[],"class_list":["post-19108","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-home-featured","category-media-releases","category-news","tag-amy-muise","tag-faculty-of-health","tag-five-love-languages","tag-love","tag-pop-psychology","tag-relationships","tag-sex","tag-share-lab","tag-valentines-day"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.4 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>My love language is peer-reviewed research - News@York<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.yorku.ca\/news\/2024\/02\/01\/my-love-language-is-peer-reviewed-research\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"My love language is peer-reviewed research - News@York\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"From the Five Love Languages to the concept of \u201cHappy Wife, Happy Life,\u201d popular culture is riddled with ideas of how sex and relationships are supposed to work, but does the science back these ideas up? 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